When We Suffer the Loss of a Co-Worker
As co-workers, we develop relationships. We greet each other every day, work together and get to know each other. When a colleague or a friend dies, it is natural to grieve. If the death is unexpected, it can be particularly traumatic. Here’s some information to help you understand some of the emotions you might be experiencing at this time of loss.
The Grieving Process
Feelings and symptoms of grief can take weeks, months, and even years. We don't heal on a timetable. The process of grieving has been described in many ways; you may find the following broad explanation of feelings helpful:
- Shock and denial: State of numbness and disbelief that the incident has occurred.
- Anger: A feeling of anger at the deceased, doctors, co-workers, family members, etc.
- Guilt: A feeling of being at fault about things not done or said prior to our loss.
- Depression: Often characterized by changes in appetite, sleep pattern and weight accompanied by feelings of overwhelming sadness.
- Acceptance: A sense of recognition and feeling peace with the new reality.
- Growth: Finding a new balance and feeling ready to move on with our lives.
Most of the time we will experience several of these feelings and emotions at the same time in different degrees. Some of us may go through them stage by stage. There is no one way to go through the grief and healing process. The extent, depth, and duration of the process will also depend on how close we were to the deceased colleague, the circumstances of the death, and our own situation.
Take Time to Grieve
We will need time to grieve. Some things we can do that might be helpful include:
Create a memorial board: A photo, card, or special item the person kept on his/her desk as a way to remember your colleague.
Create a book of memories to give to the family. Many people are not aware of the work-life of people they love. These will be unique memories for the family and a way for you to privately express feelings and memories.
Conduct a workplace-only event. A luncheon or office-only memorial is a chance for co-workers to acknowledge the unique relationship with the deceased.
Attend the funeral with other colleagues.
What to Expect
All of us experience grief differently. If we were particularly close to the person who died, we may feel depressed, absent-minded, short-tempered, or exhausted. These are all normal reactions.
Creating healthy memories is a part of healing. We may find talking about the deceased helps us manage our grief. Some of us may keep to ourselves. We need to respect that some may feel the loss more or less strongly, or cope differently.
A death brings up questions and fears about our own mortality. It may cause us to question our own life. This is also normal.
You might want to consider getting help if you have trouble coping with the loss or find that your work is suffering. A lag in your work performance could be a signal that this loss is affecting you more profoundly than you think.
You do not have to deal with this loss by
yourself. Help is only a phone call away. Call the Employee Assistance
Program at 1-800-888-5105.
Adapted from National Hospice Organization.
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